


SnapShots and Tid-Bits

by LittleTwoLegs



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mostly Canon Compliant, No chapter is related, Not Related, canon character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:14:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28680915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleTwoLegs/pseuds/LittleTwoLegs
Summary: Little bits from my tumblr account philshemeanseverythingtomelinda which I am dismantling but don't want to lose some of the snippets I put there.
Relationships: Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Kudos: 16





	1. Inevitable Change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When he was younger, before he knew the word “death” and all it meant, daytime was the best. The whole day held potential.
> 
> Then, with a loud bang, sun blinding him, and the scent of gunpowder in the air, daytime became a nightmare. Alexander Coulson was taken from his son and with him Phil Coulson’s love for the daylight hours. 
> 
> Phil, now a young man, loved nightfall.

When he was younger, before he knew the word “death” and all it meant, daytime was the best. He loved the feeling of sun on skin, hearing the birds chirping outside his bedroom window. He could still smell the fresh laundry out on the line, his mother having gotten up hours earlier and started the day’s tasks.The tinkering he could hear behind the low, soothing voices of his parents could only mean his dad was working on the family car again (Never Lola, though, that was a father-son project always), keeping Mama company while she was outside. The whole day held potential.

Then, with a loud bang, sun blinding him, and the scent of gunpowder in the air, daytime became a nightmare. Alexander Coulson was taken from his son and with him Phil Coulson’s love for the daylight hours.

Phil, now a young man, loved nightfall. The world is easing down, everyone is home, there is less potential for much to happen (for a civilian), there is a soothing expectancy of everything going okay. When he was a boy, in a much too large bed, held in his mother’s arms those first few months, Phil loved nightfall because it gave a promise of something better.

With nightfall came the chance to dream, the chance to imagine his world whole again. He could feel the warmth of his father’s praise, the strong hands on his hips as he reached high for a ripe apple or to put the Christmas Angel atop the tree. Laughter became familiar for a brief time and smiling came easy.

So Phillip Coulson learned to love nightfall.

It didn’t at all help when he arrived late in the evening to the Academy, fresh off the bus that carried him away from the Army barracks he had lived in. He dropped his duffle-bag and pulled out a sheet of worn paper, looking for what building to approach. The sound of traffic was gone, the crickets were starting to chirp and most the lights in the buildings were off. There seemed to be a stillness in the air, a breath the Earth held before-

A new weight settled across his back and Phil held his ground, his arms immediately going up to grab his potential attacker and pull them off. He stopped though as the warm chuckles of the woman reached his ears. He still managed to pull her off, gearing up to scold her or at the very least ask her what her problem was, but he failed to maintain his grip. She danced away from his hands and blew him a kiss as she walked backwards, joining a group of cadets that had filed past him.

“Hey, soldier!” She laughed and her group did too though a few seemed embarrassed on her behalf. The woman was Asian and incredibly tiny for how hard she had hit him. “Cadet May!” She jabbed a finger at her self then at him. “Send me sweet dreams tonight!” She called before busting out into giggles that had her gasping as her friends herded her off.

Phil looked to the first star of the evening, questioning this new place and these new people. He hoped it was worth it.

Twenty years later (and however many they skipped), Phil was certain the night held all his dreams and wishes and most certainly his future. May stood at one of the viewing windows, her arms folded in front of her, eyes looking out through the protected glass. She sighed and shifted on her feet, leaning back into the wall.

“I can feel you watching me.” She said without glancing at him.

Phil smiled, slotting his body along hers, close enough to feel her heat but far enough away that she wouldn’t be uncomfortable. He needn’t have worried as she leaned back into his embrace. “I do that a lot.” He nuzzled her a bit, loving the feel of her shiny soft hair along his cheeks.

“You do.” she responded. They stayed there for a beat, enjoying the view and the silence before May pulled away. “I’m tired. Come be a good pillow.” she demanded, walking past him as she did so. Phil nodded, eyes gentle as he watched her strut away.

Their block was on a timer, 12 hours with the lights on, 6 of those being peppered with UV lights, 12 hours of darkness. They a had approximately 2 minutes and 3 seconds to get into bed before they had to fumble through the darkness that was their room. Training and more than one mission experience had them comfortable and in bed in less that 1 minute and 7 seconds.

The block was quieting down, the continuous clamor of metal on rock and voices raised in mid haggle died down as shut down protocols engaged. Phil watched Melinda’s face as she slowly let herself fall asleep, first the overhead lights turned off, leaving them with a gentle blue glow from the safety lines along the floor. May shifted closer, using Phil’s arm as a pillow as promised. Her breaths quieted and she was ready to slip into Morpheus’ reign.

Watching the gentle curves of her cheek bones, the delicate lashes that brushed her face, even the scars along her hands, Phil couldn’t help but long for a time when they could be more, when they could truly be with one another in the way that counts. Honesty. They needed complete honesty between them if the Earth was to release that breath it had been holding, to give them up from its suffocating prison. Phil took a breath, placed his hand on Melinda’s and smiled at her sleepy gaze. The last 5 seconds before lights out entirely seemed to pass in forever and eternity. He took a breath, watching his love’s eyes drift closed.

"I love you, Melinda.”


	2. Pieces of the LMD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even more disturbing than looking upon what could easily have been a young girl was looking at the face of a dead friend. There were chunks of data missing for the techs to work with and Tony hadn't told anyone that he knew who it was but without a doubt in his bones, he knew this hunk of metal was supposed to fool someone into believing it was Agent Phillip J. Coulson.

Tony looked down at the LMD posing as a young woman. The news went on and on and on about this Daisy character who was supposed to be both inhuman and a SHIELD agent and yet had allegedly shot General Talbot. The man was alive, thankfully, but in a coma. 

Authorities had caught up to the young lady and shot her in the head. When she had not gone down they realized something was wrong. Finally when they managed to subdue her, using a taser and more firepower, they learned she was mechanical. Not human, not inhuman. 

That's when they called in Tony. He was the original supporter of an LMD project. He drew up the original schematics but SHIELD had shot them down as being too high risk. Whomever was the deciding power on that Tony wanted to find and thank because this was... this was beyond disturbing.

It's eyes stared up at him from a young face, twisted in pain and covered in a synthetic blood. It churned his stomach to look at, even if he knew intellectually it wasn't actually a young girl.

Really what was troubling Tony was the twisted metal that lie on the table next to the Daisy-Bot. Through tissue markers left on the partials of a face picked up from the once secret base of SHIELD the techs had come up with a few composites.

It was difficult, as there were clearly at least 2 different LMDs, but eventually the faces took form. 

Even more disturbing than looking upon what could easily have been a young girl was looking at the face of a dead friend. There were chunks of data missing for the techs to work with and Tony hadn't told anyone that he knew who it was but without a doubt in his bones, he knew this hunk of metal was supposed to fool someone into believing it was Agent Phillip J. Coulson. The same man he had joked with on the phone about LMDs and had blown off time and time again.

He planned on being an active participant in the ongoing investigation into these LMDs and not just to exonerate an innocent woman. He a had a question about the Coulson impersonated, the activity of a long dead man.

Why?


	3. Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He doesn't mean to, he really doesn't but when he sees a gun pointed at any of his junior agents, or knows they're in danger, Phil knows he treats them like children. His children, to be exact. 

He doesn't mean to, he really doesn't but when he sees a gun pointed at any of his junior agents, or knows they're in danger, Phil knows he treats them like children. His children, to be exact. 

It was difficult not to when he knew ~~Skye~~ Daisy still occasionally slept with a nightlight, when the nightmares got too bad, Fitz had a stuffed monkey in his bag, given to him by a teary eyed mother when he shipped off to another continent for SciTech or that Simmons brought her success tales to him and May first, then her parents, because they didn't fully understand why her work was so important.

They are his children because they played scrabble together, shared food around a cramped table and routinely annoyed one another. They are his children because when they are sad he felt like ripping the world apart, was willing to do anything within his power, and make some things fall under his power, to make them happy. When they fell ill he wanted to go to the CDC and find a cure, regardless that he knew it was a minor cold. His hands twitched with the ache to maim when they were upset or scared. At times of peace he had to stop himself from impulsively hugging them, stopping short with a pat on the arm or a friendly smile with words of praise.

It would be easy to say he would give his life to protect them. But it is harder to say that he will live, he will fight, and he will die fighting, to make the world a better place for them to live. 

Because they are his children.


	4. Silent I Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The silent "I love you"s in their eyes, roaming across one another's skin, the strength of the emotion sealing the words behind their lips.

It's in the small crinkles at his eyes and the soft upturn of her lips. The silent "I love you"s in their eyes, roaming across one another's skin, the strength of the emotion sealing the words behind their lips. It can be seen when he turns away and she stares at him in awe or when she saves the day again and he smirks with pride.

Even if they never taste the words on their tongues or feel them caress their ears, they know. 

"I love you" is burned into her skin where he gently touches her, "You mean a lot to me" plagues his dreams in a devastating ballet he never wants to leave.

They don't have to speak the words because they know when he says "Melinda" and when she says "Phil" what they mean is "I love you. I love you.".


	5. WWI Fly Boy AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a story idea. Philinda Flyboy AU.

Anyone willing to write a Philinda WWI Flyboy AU? I just have these images of Melinda cutting her hair short and flying around, shooting down enemy planes. They tease the "Chinaman" about looking like a girl and not speaking but since "he" is so good they don't take it overboard.

Then in comes Major General Phil Coulson, transferred from the I Corps, to help get some tactical hits on the Germans. He spends time with the quiet pilot, watching him do Tai Chi in the mornings and silently enjoys hot tea with him after a succesful mission. He chatters sometimes, getting smiles and maybe an eye roll every now and then and Phil suspects he might be falling in love. 

One night he hears her singing softly to herself and realizes that the "Chinaman" is actually a woman.

He doesn't tell anyone, not even her, but when the armistice is finally signed he approaches her and asks to go on a right and proper date. He promises flowers and dancing at the very least but asks for a celebatory kiss for the end of The Great War.

Everyone is looking at him (you don't just do that in front of everyone!) And Melinda frowns then says. "I like Italian." And everyone is blown away and shocked that the best pilot is a woman and only the Major General knew.

Plus, Melinda May in a bomber jacket when they're called for duty during the next war? Yes, please!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to flesh this out please link me! I would love to read it!


	6. Finality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was dying and there was no T.A.H.I.T.I to bring him back this time.

The rattling of the Zephyr pounded in his skull, his equilibrium thrown, leaving his legs weak. He held himself over the seat next to Melinda as she piloted the plane. She looked so much better already and Phil smiled a little. He asked her how she was, laughing at her response. It cost him, though. He stumbled, the oxygen in his chest suddenly too much and not enough all at once, but he caught himself on Melinda's words and corrected himself. 

"Just a headache," he claimed. The longer he put off a check up by Doctor Simmons the better. Maybe when she had settled down he could ask her for some painkillers. They likely wouldn't work but it would calm Melinda. 

He felt the blackness spreading through his veins, the thickening of his blood making it hard to breath normally, the burning a true agony not unlike when Loki's spear severed to two halves of his heart. He refused to tell Melinda, though. How could he? He was dying and there was no T.A.H.I.T.I to bring him back this time.

The love he had for Melinda May was never ending but no matter how he played his cards she was going to hurt. He just hoped, this way, without him ever saying the words before his second and final death, she would be able to pick herself back up again. 


	7. Too Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Melinda startled him out of his thoughts as she came to sit by him. And he immediately wanted to apologize. For hurting her, for lying and for the pain he would cause in the future when he passed. He looked at her. Sitting so quietly by his side. She was so beautiful. From the way she handled the kids or moved like silk all the way to the warm brown eyes she spoke through and he felt himself fall even more in love with her. 

May watches the play of emotion on Phil's face as Jemma gives the report of his scans. He doesn't flinch but his eyes speak volumes as he watches tears form in the young biologists eyes and her voice cracks. She watches Daisy, her heart aching at the pain she herself feels being shown so openly on the young girl's face. Melinda felt her hands fist as Jemma spoke of necrotic tissue and Phil looked at his shoes. The bastard knew.

"He's dying." The words burned her tongue and made her head spin. Memories of the black and white photos of Phil lying lifeless on a slab in T.A.H.I.T.I. flashed through her mind and she felt the breath leave her lungs.

Phil's eyes traced her face, watching each flex of her jaw as she tried to form words and came up blank. Daisy, after a moment of silence exploded, her anger and hurt overwhelming her in a way that Melinda only wished she could. She saw Fitz angrily wipe at his eyes as Jemma finally broke down and cried into her hands. 

Truth was Melinda was tired. She was so tired and she knew Phil had to be too and their kids were scared and hurting and everything just kept piling on it wasn't fair. She wanted to scream but she didn't even have the energy to do that. She felt the weight of everything crashing down on her as Phil trailed after Daisy. "You did this wrong." She told him. He should have told them, should have told her. He wasn't alone and they all cared about him and he had kept such a secret.

She winced as she recalled she had kept the fact that it was she who killed the girl in Bahrain a secret for more than a decade. His death was physically happening but she knew he had been witness to her would destroying itself. Her boiling rage died down to a placid understanding that hurt deep within. She wanted to follow him but knew he needed time with Daisy and the others still needed her.

Jemma breathed in harshly and tried to regain control of herself but Melinda knew what she needed. Fitz would've been the first choice to offer her support but she was pretty certain he too was in a state of fear and helplessness. She took the young woman into her arms and rocked her side to side, whispering in her ear that she wouldn't allow it to happen, that's she would find a way to make it stop.

The familiar spark of resistance flared within her and Melinda knew she meant every word of it. She waited until Jemma was able to control her tears and thanked the older woman for comforting her. Mack was leaning against a wall, a deep wrinkle lining his forehead as he processed the news. He caught her eye and followed her gaze to the couple who stood in an embrace, both slightly out of it still. Mack nodded and got their attention, giving Melinda the chance she needed to slip away.

-:X:-

Phil felt the ache of his... injury? Condition? There wasn't really a word for it but it hurt all the same. The sharp pang of his body betraying him hurt more when he got worked up and by God he was worked up. He hadn't planned on anyone discovering his secret so soon and it put the strain he knew it eventually would on everyone all at once. He thought he could've at least had the chance to tell Melinda before it got out.

He sat on the bench, thinking back to Fitz's analysis of the fear dimension and he really wanted to laugh. He had discussed with Melinda about taking a step back and he just tore the heart of his heart's daughter apart. Her words warmed him, however, and he felt the weight of his end become just that much lighter.

Melinda startled him out of his thoughts as she came to sit by him. And he immediately wanted to apologize. For hurting her, for lying and for the pain he would cause in the future when he passed. He looked at her. Sitting so quietly by his side. She was so beautiful. From the way she handled the kids or moved like silk all the way to the warm brown eyes she spoke through and he felt himself fall even more in love with her. 

"Is that why we took a step back?" She asked. 

He bit his lip, hesitant to say yes or no. It was both, but she wouldn't be satisfied with such a thing. Instead, he spoke another truth. "I don't want you wasting time on a lost cause." He felt the change in her immediately.

"I am the one who decides what and who I waste my time on." Her words were so simple and ordinary but it made Phil melt on the inside. He knew he would always be on that list. He saw the spark of her will to fight in her eyes and while he rejoiced he also mourned. When he died she would hurt so much. But if she thought he was worth it the least he could do was try to help.

"Want to help me get dressed? It's really sexy stuff!" He teased. She smiled at the lame joke. 

He had no plans of going easy but for that smile he would fight the fucking world all over again.


End file.
